So well Tuesday after a great week of Labor Fun with some friends in rural West Virgina and back to work today.

In last week’s episode- I was due for a review of the NVC workshop I attended. Well given the Gary Cooper façade I have been internalizing for the last uhh… 2 decades or so, it was a definite chance to step out of my comfort zone and discuss in public with strangers my feelings and struggles with communication.

Held in the yoga room of a holistic healing center, I did feel like I was a little bit back in the Pacific Northwest, right down to the whole sock, bare feet and the weather that weekend helped too.
I don’t know how well acquainted you are with NVC but the thrust of is well along the lines with a lot of things you have said and taught me over the years. We are all emotionally beings just trying to get our emotional needs met. NVC is based around the concept that if we understand everyone’s needs we can find ways to communicate with them and find ways to meet all of our emotional needs if given to the right set of empathic understandings and communication tools.

Those tools and understandings came down to us in fun little tools where we walked on little squares describing our sort of decision making/life rationalization process. We walked on tiles (or laminated cards actually) representing the stories we tell ourselves, the observations, emotions, uncertainties, woundedness, attempts to force reality or confront a perceived lack or deficiency. There were other motions, visualizations, discussions and lecture thrown in.

That is not really that complete of a run down. Well, I was interested enough that I bought some books and may set off down the path. I found the tactile/kinesthetic aspects of the dance floors to be a cathartic and rewarding exercise. There is something clear and freeing about stepping on a laminated piece of card stock and realizing and labeling stories that I cling through to an old rough spot telling myself or seeing that I am playing the “if only game” or am stuck wishing or mourning. Taking the next step to understand why I was trapped in those games or device and figuring out what need I was trying to fulfill was useful. Walking through the exercise as some else was tough but again useful.

I have a lot of insecurities running around masking themselves as judgments that can get in the way of really connecting with people. Hmmm.. given the topic of a few previous entries I can’t understand where that would come from…. Which is sarcasm for judgment as cover for insecurities is a hallmark of the T Fam. For me it is hard to relate when I am scared and those feelings come through sometimes as a wonderous and fatal cocktail of aloofness, disinterest, slowness or distraction. You were always telling me to pay attention! Maybe I should have been finding a way to not be so scared all the time.

Well, in other news- a return to full time work is coming closer and closer. I don’t know if it will be where I want or how I work through some of those tradeoffs but they are coming. Theses have been a rough couple years but I at least have a few ideas of a some better ways to see what is going on and communicate a little more, take up some more space and hopefully I will get a little closer to where I want to be.

Over and out,