9/16/2011

Dear E-

So well, another Tuesday in the sun! I am so excited to hear you have gone into the Aronia business! It sounds like a wonderful opportunity. Do you find something zen-like in the tedious picking of them? I don’t know if I could handle that part but I did wonder if something in the focus required appealed to your exacting nature?

 

Well, another Tuesday taken care of with the focus on well, meeting my social needs (or wants if you prefer) for love, acceptance, laughter and fun with a couple of guys after work on what has become a reasonably regular every other Tuesday night hang out event.

 

As I mentioned previously, I have been making something of a study of NVC with some nightly readings and reflections. I don’t know if has quite opened to the promise of a more fulfilling life but if nothing else it can seem to add a richness or another layer at least when someone comes to me with an idea, rant or other sentence and I get to respond, “So it sounds like you are wanting _______ insert basic need here”.

 

I had a challenging interaction with a friend tonight who has shared some of my challenges with finding the right job here in DC. He believes that working in a Capitol Hill office is the only way to meet his need for a job that provides, I don’t know, challenge, intrigue, ability to self associate with people with similar interests. He has bounced around a bit and always comes back to how much he wants to work on the hill. Per NVC, I kept trying to understand what needs he is trying to really fulfill by working in a hill office but didn’t really seem realize/wasn’t able to get him to vocalize what really got from working in politics—  what emotional needs were really set to be fulfilled. We explored a little bit on a professional level other paths but didn’t really get there on an emotional level. I resisted the urge to jump into problem solving mode for awhile, then asked if he was interested in hearing my advice and when he asked to hear it I proceeded to share some professional suggestions.

 

Having never worked with him professionally, I could not speak much to his professional habits or discipline but there was a big challenge because he is kind of annoying which is probably his biggest challenge or stumbling block but I am afraid I have stumbled off into judging land… er um.. I suppose I can’t tell him he can’t get a job because his personality sucks but just encourage him to work to establish meaningful relationships with his co-workers connecting over common interests and shared goals. I could just tell him to stop sucking. I guess introducing that self awareness personally and professionally would not be bad err.. goal for the next time we hang out.

 

Well there we go, I have just journal-ed through another challenge. I will tell him to stop sucking and that will fix the whole thing.

 

In the course of the conversation there was a striking moment where he said he was only here to work in politics and if he could not make that happen he might as well just go home where the weather was nicer. Striking because that was me about three or four weeks ago when I was ready to pull out the application for the Montana ski instructor and/or Peace Corp application that I let drop a few years back. I actually had a rare mini breakdown in front of D on the drive to the airport coming back to DC. Rare not because my freakouts are particularly infrequent  but rare because I try to put on a decent face always in front of the ‘rents and well kinda to you too. They are probably smarter than I think they are (sometimes… only sometimes) and can see through a lot but again with especially my dad’s stoic continence I wonder what their ratio of optimism to understanding is.

 

So are you ready to say goodbye to summer? I think we talked about how we both love Autumn or perhaps I am projecting. Is there something comforting in the solemnity, the decrescendo of sort? I am going to decrescendo myself to sleep.

-Ben

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